We have arrived

A few months ago I looked at my husband, Geary, and declared that I finally feel like we had left babyhood.  Obviously this transition isn't an abrupt one but rather a gradual shift.  Sleepless nights, changing diapers, nursing and spoon feeding babies changes to occasional bad dreams, racing to bathrooms with kids in training, and sippy cups.  Then finally more full nights of sleep than not, kids that ask for a bathroom (with ample time to find one), and even kids who fill their own cups of milk. Here we are, squarely in our children's childhood.  Which brought about the question of what do we want that to look like.  Sure we've given thought to this idea before because really this is our story, this is our life.  That undeniable ownership has long been a part of me.  But having 4 kids in 4 years meant there was a dramatic shift from "Is this what we want to be doing with our lives?"  to "This is amazing and so overwhelming.  I'm not sure if we are even going to survive."  Babyhood was planned in the sense that we wanted kids but it was similar to white water rafting- you know you want to go and it will be fun in an exciting and thrilling way but when the boat flips and you are being tossed and turned gasping for air you wonder what the hell was I thinking.  In those moments you aren't thinking about where you are going so much as just trying to survive.  Honestly I think it would be easy to stay in more of a survival mode at this point.  Our days are full, there is school and homework, music lessons and playdates, never mind getting everyone fed and bathed.  There are holidays to make special, costumes to be made, presents to be bought, parties to be planned... busy I tell you.  And yet I find myself asking "is this what we want?"  Our life is good, very good in so many ways, but is this what we want it to be?  As Geary and I talked more we found ourselves reconnecting with our own dreams or perhaps more accurately working on creating new ones.  What do we want for our family?  So here we are.  Dreaming and scheming.