The countdown is on

After months of dreaming, planning, and purging we're down to packing.  We signed a lease on our house last week while the kids were away at outdoor ed.  After a few days to let everything sink in Geary and I decided it was time to tell the kids that the trip was on and we were leaving next month.  It's been an interesting mix of reactions from the kids, with four that's not surprising.  Tenley, who I expected to have the hardest time is actually the most excited.  Recently it's felt like she is really trying to establish herself outside of our family.  Friends are very important, siblings are annoying, and she's too old to play.  It's just felt like a shift in her connection to our family unit and a value in outside relationships.  Completely developmentally appropriate, a bit sad, and I was afraid, a recipe for disaster with taking her away from her friends.  Apparently the timing wasn't as bad as I was imaging.  I'm anticipating a fair bit of sadness, there have already been tears and jokes about packing up her friends and teacher, but all in all she is excited.  In true Felicia form she was quietly gathering as much information about this adventure as possible.  The day after we told the kids we were going she went to school and informed her closest friend that she was leaving in a month, traveling in her camper for 9 months, and going to Florida and then to see wild horses.  I'd say she is tentatively excited as well.  I love how she matter of factly has said things like, "It probably won't be all fun but over all I think it will be a neat trip."  We've been talking about the need to be flexible and she is particularly good at that, she finds the silver lining in ever bad situation.  I hoping her good attitude can wear off on all of us a bit on this trip.  Then there is Calista.  She's told us she doesn't want to go and she is none to happy about it.  There is nowhere she wants to go and nothing she wants to see.  I'm still holding out hope that we can win her over but for now letting her have those big upset feelings.  It's a lot of change and I can appreciate that she isn't feeling the love for this crazy plan.  Corwin's thoughts on the trips very wildly depending on when you talk to him and who he is around.  With Tenley's excitement he is gun-hoe and ready to go, with Calista's negative attitude close he'll tell you he doesn't want to go either.  I'm not sure about Geary but I'm definitely feeling a mix of emotions about everything right now.  Overwhelmed is probably at the top of the list!  We have three weeks until our launch date and A LOT of purging, packing, and projects to finish.  It does feel good to have most of the major hurdles taken care of though.  We still have all the vehicles to deal with but I figure worst case we donate them and hit the road.  The end or really the beginning is in sight, just have to keep taking those baby steps to get there.

Disappointment

A few months ago I read about sacrifices in the context of full timing.  The newsletter I was reading pointed out the inevitable truth that we must give up things, we must make sacrifices, in order to obtain the new things we are reaching for.  And there in lies one of the challenges with this path.  Giving up the stability or predictability of life in a house was a piece of this adventure for us so easy to accept, at least in theory.  Giving up our worldly possessions... probably doesn't come as a shock that this hasn't been particularly difficult for us, we never been big stuff people.  At the end of the newsletter there was the question "If you are preparing to ditch, what sacrifice is scaring you the most?"  Scare didn't resonate with me but the question of, what is hardest to give up, was an easy answer.  For me, it is my children's seats at their charter school.  Our family was lucky enough to have won the schooling lottery and be afforded the opportunity to attend a charter school that largely aligns with my own educational beliefs.  As a passionate and opinionated educator finding such a school was no small task and actually getting into that school was nothing short of amazing.  Taking this trip means giving up those spots.  How disappointing.  I want to have my cake and eat it too. I want to be able to travel with my kids and be able to return to our school.  It has become our community and I'm thankful for that reality.  It also makes it that much more of a sacrifice.  For the last 6 months I've shown up in a space within that community designed for discussion and asked for us to consider an option for returning students to have priority over new students within the school lottery.  Obviously I have personal interest in such a policy but in the bigger picture I think it aligns with the schools culture and values.  It is a school that prides itself on relationships.  A school that values experiential, hands on learning.  For months we've talked and discussed- does this make sense for this community?  It has been a difficult process for me because at a personal level it feels like asking for a need to be met and as such the emotional response when it isn't met can be quite large.  I've had to continue to step back and recognize the big picture.  Signing up for and really engaging with a community means disagreements, different vantage points, and different opinions.  What makes sense to me as a member of this community doesn't make sense to others.  The reality of life is that there are some things we have control over and many things we do not.  I might get to have my cake and eat it too.  Or maybe not.